At some point, you have to think what the hell happened to my life. Why am I being punished. I have always jokingly told people, when confronted with the little black cloud that seems to flow is around, that my family line was cursed several hundred years ago, and we haven’t been able to undo the curse yet.
Ironically, our ancestors were at the Salem witch trials. They’re mentioned in transcripts and were forced out of Salem and moved to Nova Scotia and other more welcoming areas.
But I digress, the curse……
Subtle and not so subtle trouble always seems to find us.
I can break down a checkout line, gas pump, or computer system from 5 feet away, I don’t even have to lay hands on it.
I like to call that my magnetic personality taking over, apologize to the people behind me, and keep going.
It took a while for my current husband to figure out that was just the way of life as we know it.
But he takes it in stride now.
Mr. Magoo and his little black cloud have nothing on us..
But all of the crazy situations are, for the most part, fodder for funny stories, and laughing at our own misfortune makes us stronger.
Handed one’s own mortality on a plate is a heart stopping, and ‘can’t catch your breath’ moment that is so hard to explain if you’ve never dealt with it.
And I can only share my own experience personally, as well as my experience being on the side lines of a loved one that has been handed their own news.
I went to the hospital with stroke level blood pressure readings, some slurring of words, and blurry vision. I had been dealing with my the estate of my late father in law , all in my own, no lawyer, no help, bless my hubby’s heart but computer skills and people skills are not his strong suit, for almost a year when this happened. Stress was an everyday thing, I was working full time and handling this for an out of state death during work hours and after I got home. It was a constant struggle, and I just thought I was worn out.
When my BP had gotten so bad that I had trouble keeping it down, I carried my bp cuff with me to work to monitor my numbers.
I had to go to a doc-in-the-box after work for them to check my stats, and they immediately took me inside and wouldn’t let me leave without a driver or an ambulance. I give kudos to both that office and the ER, they took me straight in and started Labs and scans.
So when the dr came back in and told us good news I wasn’t having a stroke, you would think that he would have looked relieved.
We were relieved, and thought ok, so my BP is spiking because of stress… right?
When the Dr said that while there were no stroke signs, they did see a spot on my brain.
What do you mean a spot in my brain, like a shadow, scarring?…. I have had several head injuries over the years, I can see that. And the whole time, the Dr is shaking his head and told us no, it’s not a shadow, it looks like a mass and they were keeping me overnight, to run MRIs and get control of my BP.
My world just dropped away. I was stunned and immediately looked at my husband and was like, no way, this can’t be happening.
My brother had a brain tumor. CT scans, X-rays, nothing showed up until his eye Drs found it.
And it was inoperable.
He eventually died from it.
Now add in the fact that I have a variety of family history with cancer, and if you’ve never looked your own mortality in the face, this is what it looks like.
Your mind trips back to the ones you’ve lost due to certain cancers or other ailments.
Am I the first to have health issues, NO. Am I the first in my family to have health scares, absolutely not. Honestly, that’s one of the reasons I was instantly terrified.
I wasn’t done living.
Car wrecks, stomped by a raging bucking bull, run over by horses, slammed around in sale barns by cattle and horses, drug by horses, falling from ladders, even carbon monoxide didn’t take me from this Earth.
All of my previous exploits in life didn’t kill me, but suddenly, I have something that they’re saying could possibly be one thing or another, rocked my inner being for a virtual loop. How, why, what… every question you can imagine rolls through your mind. And what can be done?
Being in the hospital and not telling anyone the reason for the 2 and half-day stay, including my daughter to begin with, was a strain. Hubby didn’t know what to say, we chose to not say anything to start with. Tests were being run, we were waiting for answers and praying they were wrong. I let work know I would be out a couple of days, and our daughter took care of our animals while we were in the hospital.
And that’s enough for today.
I’ll add more later
